Wednesday, 29 June 2011

~:C.C.4.U:~ Clean Humor

 




CLEAN
  HUMOR


While I sat in the reception  area
Of my doctor's office, a woman rolled  an elderly man
In a wheelchair into the  room.  As she went 
To the  receptionist's desk, the man sat there,  alone
And silent. Just as I was thinking I  should make
Small talk with him, a little  boy slipped off
His mother's lap and  walked over to
The wheelchair.  Placing his hand on the 
man's, he  said, I know how you feel.  My
Mom makes  me ride in the stroller  too..'

*****

As I was  nursing
My baby, my cousin's  six-year-old
Daughter, Krissy, came into the  room. 
Never having seen anyone breast  feed
Before, she was intrigued and full of  all
Kinds of questions about what I was  doing.
After mulling over my answers, she  remarked,
'My mom has some of those, but I  don't think she knows how to use them..' 

*****

Out  bicycling
One day with my  eight-year-old
Granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a  little
Wistful. 'In ten years,' I said,  'you'll want
To  be with your friends  and you won't go
Walking, biking, and  swimming with me like you do
Now.  Carolyn shrugged.  'In ten years you'll  be
Too old to do all those things  anyway.'

******

Working as a  pediatric
Nurse, I had the difficult  assignment
Of giving immunization shots to  children.. 
One day, I entered the  examining room to give
Four-year-old Lizzie her  needle. 'No, no, no!' she 
Screamed.  'Lizzie,' scolded her mother,  'that's
Not polite behavior.'  With that,  the girl
Yelled even  louder, 'No, thank  you!  No, thank 
You!

******

On the way back from a  Cub
Scout meeting, my grandson innocently  said to my son,
'Dad, I know babies come from  mommies' tummies, but
How do they get there in  the first place?'  After my
Son hemmed  and hawed awhile,  my grandson  finally
Spoke up in disgust, 'You don't have to  make
Up something, Dad.  It's okay if  you don't
Know the  answer.'

*****

Just  before I
Was deployed to Iraq , I sat  my eight-year-old
Son down and broke the  news to him.  'I'm
Going to be away  for a long time,' I told 
Him.  'I'm  going to Iraq ...'   'Why?'  he
Asked. 'Don't you know there's a war  going
On  over  there?'

*****

Paul  Newman
Founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp  for 
Children stricken with cancer, AIDS,  and blood
Diseases. One afternoon, he and  is wife,
Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have  lunch with
The kids.  A counselor at a  nearby
Table, suspecting the young  patients
Wouldn't know Newman was a famous movie  star,
Explained, That's the man who made this  camp
Possible. Maybe you've seen his picture  on
His salad dressing bottle?'  Blank
Stares. 'Well, you've probably  seen his face on
His lemonade carton.'  An eight-year-old girl
Perked  up.  'How long was he missing?'

*****

... And my  personal favorite ...God's  Problem  Now:

His wife's  graveside service was just barely finished, when  there was a
Massive clap of  thunder, followed by a tremendous  bolt of  lightning, accompanied
By even  more thunder rumbling in the distance.  The little, old man looked  at  the  pastor and calmly said, "Well, she's  there."
 
 


   Belva


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