~:C.C.4.U:~ Top Five Regrets

Top Five  Regrets   By Bronnie Ware       For many years I worked in palliative  care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. I was with  them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. People grow a  lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to  underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were  phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial,  fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every  single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one  of them. When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they  would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five: 1. I  wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life  others expected of me This was the most common regret of  all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back  clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled.  Most people have had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to  die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not  made. It is very important to try and honor at least some of  your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it  is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no  longer have it.    2. I  wish I didn't work so hard This  came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's  youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this  regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female  patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work  existence. By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious  choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you  think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become  happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new  lifestyle.    3. I wish I'd had the courage  to express my feelings Many people suppressed their feelings in order  to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre  existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many  developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they  carried as a result. We cannot control the reactions of others.  However, although people may initially react when you change the way you  are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a  whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy  relationship from your life. Either way, you  win.    4. I wish I had stayed in  touch with my friends Often they would not truly realize the full  benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always  possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own  lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort  that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are  dying. It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let  friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death,  the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their  financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status  that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in  order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are  too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It all comes down to  love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final  weeks, love and relationships.    5. I wish that I had let  myself be happier    They had  stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. Fear of change had them  pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When  deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their  life again. How  wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are  dying. Life is a  choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose  honestly. Choose happiness.